We Stand Alone

Certain recent events have made me contemplate on many things.


You see, at some point or another, one has to reflect on the fact that life is (or at least should be, I have come to believe) a road that we walk by ourselves.

Enforced good will and merrymaking, as portrayed by consumerist advertising and a protected life can lead us to have a completely befuddled perception of concepts such as loneliness, uniqueness and solitude.

Though the three concepts are, I believe, inextricably linked, they should not be used interchangeably.

Solitude derives from uniqueness. It is self awareness, this potent realisation that in the universe our individual intellects are each by itself unique, that makes us something so much more than a sack af biochemical complexities.

This of course means that we are alone. It is sad to see people striving against that. And sadder still that I sought to preach against it to wiser ears, that it is all a "misconception".

It can be lessened as a condition. When individuals become flocks and they seal their fates on the decisions of others, then their tracks on the infinite web of choices and possibilities that stretches like an ocean before us converge. Bt when courses on the ocean converge, the result is collision and tragedy. Solitary means, in the end, impossible to herd. And that is what humanity should accomplish. Never put all eggs in one basket...

"I have everywhere sought, and nowhere found, so I lift the bleeding bodkin, and thrust the grief deepest in..."

There it is, the lyrics that haunted me for the last 11 years, ever since I listened to it. The song is Ad Astra, by Arcturus. And I finally begin to see what this is all about.

This grief, the grief of solitude, the grief of travelling our cosmic path and not finding another soul to greet, this grief that makes us bleed like a bodkin, leaves an aftertaste. And that is loneliness. It can be bad. It can be really bad. But it is inevitable. Because when we let ourselves free of narrowminded concepts like mandatory companionship (however menial the person we choose to throw ourselves upon is), there is nothing around us but the vast possibilities that we know we will never be able to explore in our short lives. And that hurts.

There are wounds that bleed inside us
There are wounds we never see
They are part of our refinements
That allow a man to be

There are wounds that bleed in silence
With aristocratic grace
There are tears we keep beside them
Never seen upon a face

(Savatage, The Wake of Magellan)

Catalyst for this realisation was a conversation from the latest film by the Coen Brothers, "No Country for Old Men" that I saw recently.

The unstoppable killer Anton Chigurh faces the meek Carla Jean Moss with the sole intention of killing her, after the death of her husband who would do anything to protect her but in the end was unable to protect himself:

-You got no cause to hurt me...
-No. But I gave my word.
-You gave your word?
-To your husband.
-That don't make sense. You gave your word to my husband to kill me?
-Your husband had the opportunity to save you. Instead, he used you to try to save himself.
-Not like that. Not like you say.You don't have to do this.
-They'll always say the same thing.
-What did they say?
-They say you don't have to do this.
-You don't.
- (flips a coin) This is the best I can do. Call it.
-I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sittin' there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
-Call it.
-No. I ain't gonna call it.
-Call it.
-The coin don't have no say. It's just you.
-Well, I got here the same way the coin did...

Her life decided at a coin-toss and she was only pleading "You don't have to do this".
One is a sad man when one pleads others for the things one needs in one's life.
One is a sad man when one allows others to have so much say in one's life.

One must learn to walk alone. Otherwise,I have come to see, life will only be a succession of crutches that will only allow us to limp for a certain distance before they fail us. And to think that I used to be so much ashamed for the time I used auxilliary wheels for my bike...

P.S.... Guess what...